Qualities of Healthy Confrontation.mp4 5.55 MB

Can I hear a YUK! We are people who have learned the hard way how to have healthy confrontation, and it’s never, we mean NEVER easy. Yet it can be done artfully. 

But how????!!!

Here’s the first tip--which isn’t just about handling confrontation--but is at the root of just about everything else you will have to handle....

KNOW as much about the other person as you can. Imagine being in their shoes. Find out how they best receive information. Figure out when they are usually most open to communication. Face them in the mirror first, practicing what you might want to say. 

Remember it’s OK to be afraid. If you weren’t a little anxious, it wouldn’t be confrontation.

An example from Nicole:

“The first time I ever confronted anyone (in this case, a boss), I was 23 years old. I didn’t have near the confidence I do now. I’d been working for her for 18 months and she had a persistent habit that I couldn’t figure out how to adapt to and I found myself getting resentful. I knew I didn’t really have the “power” to dictate what she said or did, yet I also knew that keeping my frustration to myself wasn’t helping. I knew that there must be a better angle. So I thought through what I wanted to say, ran it by a friend and went to work the next day to have the ‘confrontation’ (background of horror movie music)...I spent the first two hours at work mustering up the courage to walk into her office. I’d get off my seat, sit back down. I’d get off my seat again, take two steps toward her office and sit down again. I’d take three... four...come back for more sitting. By the time I got through the doorway and asked if I could talk to her, my rear end hit the chair and I started crying.”

That’s a true story. 

The lesson…? The outcome wasn’t great. She wasn’t at all receptive to what I had to say, but I’d DONE IT! I’d said what I was afraid to say. I’d owned up to what I was feeling. I learned to release the burn of the expectation I had about how she was supposed to respond to my needs. I’d released my need to make her responsible for how I felt and allow that to rule my emotions for the day. It no longer mattered.

Confrontation is a great confidence-builder, because it allows a person to connect to what’s really happening, rather than keeping it inside and magnifying a situation into something that doesn’t look like the truth at all. Putting words to uncomfortable feelings is a key part of self-mastery. When one owns up to one’s experience and allows others to have theirs, a more connected and trusting relationship can often appear. 

In the end, this also creates a foundation of clear expectations. By hiding feelings behind a fear of confrontation, you never get to experience the power of understanding what’s happening with the other person. A big part of being a successful professional assistant is being able to put your feelings aside to, effectively, be able to handle your executive’s business. Being an assistant to someone who owns a business—who is often a very assertive type—needs every bit of amicable confrontation skills you have, and even more that you can develop. People who are successful financially demand a lot. Although not un-empathic, your feelings are not their first priority.. When you allow your feelings to override your professional responsibilities, you ruin your chance to grow out of your fear.

Need more help? Coaching with Nicole is available at a 50% discount to TPPA students. Visit: https://thepowerhousepa.podia.com/the-powerhouse-assistant-coaching for more information.